What do we do now?

I've been searching to find answers, and I'm not sure where we go from here.

The work of Ballez has always been an experimental process, informed by mentors, teachers and artists who inspired me to ask questions. In that spirit, I want to share with you the questions I'm dancing with right now, and into the future.

But first: one thing I know.
I want to stay alive!
And dancing, especially performing, is the place where I have felt most alive. Through play, structure, failure, success, connection, community, sensing, making... through costumes, theatricality and even virtuosity, I have found life. Through creative conversations with dancers, collaborators, audiences, and even funders and curators, I have found ways to connect and to continue to dance.

Second: nothing that I have ever done has been alone. And yet, my work often comes from isolation and despair... which has motivated me to leave the relative safety of my couch in Brooklyn, and go into the world to meet the people and spaces that allow for dance to happen. It motivates me to write to you today.

Third: there are a lot of fears that are swirling around me right now. As structures seem to crumble around us, what do we do? How can I keep making and connecting? How can I keep dancing?

This afternoon I had the privilege of being with dance artists: teaching at The New School and then leading a MELT workshop. After my classes, I had a longer conversation with Jay Beardsley, who was part of the creative team of dancers in Travesty Doll Play Ballez (after Coppélia). It helped me to get to hear their struggles, and to reflect together.

Jay as the Fairy Doll. photo by Mikhail Lipyanskiy

Jay is 18 years younger than me, and I see them at the crossroads of so many of the same questions I had back then, and still have.

How do we keep going? What makes it worthwhile? Is there any reward? Is there any safety? How much of who I am is allowed to exist? What do I need to shift, dampen, or modulate in order to be afforded safety? And if there is no safety, why am I doing this?

When I get to see Jay perform, I feel thrilled. I feel the radiance that is within them, and in that moment of witnessing, I get to share in it.

I know I want a world where that is possible.

And I know the only world where that happens is the one that is made from our connections. I need you.

So, I’m starting this blog. As a way to share what’s happening, what’s happened, to share prompts for movement experiences (shoutout #existentialdreadhallwaydance), to share questions, thoughts and others’ words, to share academic writing, classes and workshops I’m teaching and going to, and what I’m thinking and feeling… I want to connect.

I am just me, and I don’t know if anything I write here will resonate! But it feels good to have a place to do it. So if you want to join me, please do. And throw the cost of a coffee in the jar once a month? Because I need $ to keep living in capitalism:)

Sending love out to you all.